


Footprints In The Sand

by wackyjacqs



Series: Bizarre Holidays [225]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s03e12 Jolinar's Memories, Episode: s03e13 The Devil You Know, Episode: s03e14 Foothold, Episode: s03e15 Pretense, Episode: s03e17 A Hundred Days, Episode: s03e18 Shades of Grey, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 10:24:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21034727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wackyjacqs/pseuds/wackyjacqs
Summary: Sam ducks behind one of the tents and observes her commanding officer as he runs across the sand half-heartedly trying to tackle the Abydonian kids as they run circles around him, playing their own version of soccer.





	Footprints In The Sand

**Author's Note:**

> Written for ‘Play In The Sand Day’ (11 August). 
> 
> Set in season 3 – around a month after the events of ‘Shades of Grey’, with references to ‘Jolinar’s Memories/The Devil You Know’, ‘Foothold’, ‘Pretense’ and ‘A Hundred Days’.

Sam turns her face towards the sun and takes a deep breath. The air is hot and dry, the sand rough and itchy against her skin as a breeze swirls, carrying the fine grains high into the air and onwards onto a new journey.

The desert planets don’t tend to bother her. Sure, those types of missions are challenging, particularly when you have the added factors of the unrelenting heat and exposure to the elements, but there is something about the sand and water and beaches that she loves. It brings her a sense of tranquillity that helps keep her grounded.

The past few months haven’t been easy for SG-1. They had barely managed to rescue her father and escape from Netu when less than two weeks later the SGC had been thrown into a foothold situation. Once that had been resolved and new security measures put in place, they received a message from the Tollan to say Skaara had been found and was to undergo Triad. In the end, the process had resulted in the young man’s freedom from the Goa’uld. The team were due to visit Abydos shortly after Skaara’s return home – to make sure everything was okay and he was settling in with his family again – but before that happened, SG-1 was instructed to go to Edora. That mission quickly spiralled out of control and resulted in Jack getting stuck off-world for over three months. Then, just when Sam thought things were going back to normal, her commanding officer decided to steal some alien technology and turn his back on the rest of his team. The situation and the colonel’s behaviour didn’t sit right with her at the time, so she was more than a little relieved when it turned out to be an undercover op, but now that they are all back together, the dynamic has changed and it doesn’t sit right with her either.

With a sigh, she opens her eyes, slowly turns around and heads back to the settlement they've been offered for the duration of their stay. The heat from the sun warms her skin and she feels herself relax as she slips off the sandals presented to her by the Abydonians and walks barefoot through the sand. The lack of attire isn’t strictly appropriate off-world but the point of this mission – in General Hammond’s own words – is to give the team “a break”. She’s been a part of the Stargate Program too long now though and knows the General too well to not pick up on what their commander didn’t say. Their last mission prior to this, whilst uneventful, was tense and highlighted a few of the cracks that remain within the team. This standard follow-up mission with Skaara is also to give SG-1 a chance to mend the bridges some of them have managed to burn amongst themselves.

Sam reaches the settlement quicker than she expects, so she ducks behind one of the tents and observes her commanding officer as he runs across the sand half-heartedly trying to tackle the Abydonian kids as they run circles around him, playing their own version of soccer.

The sounds of laughter and squeals and cheering fills the desert air and she finds herself smiling at their enthusiasm. She also hears a warm, genuine laugh from the colonel and she lets her gaze linger. She rarely has the opportunity to just stand back and study him, especially in such an unguarded moment as this.

If she thinks about it long enough, she’s probably spent _too_ much time observing her CO over these past three years but she tells herself that a lot of those times were in the field; when they were trying to get out of dangerous situations and she decides that the study was essential – reading his body language, his tactics, knowing exactly what he was planning to do. She’s _almost_ able to convince herself that is the case – why she watches him – but when it’s the quieter moments that also tend to stick in her mind, that’s when the line between professional and personal interest starts to blur.

She briefly closes her eyes to try push the images aside but instead she’s hit with memories from their last mission; like when the colonel and Daniel had exchanged words not long after arriving on the planet, so he’d decided to take point and not engage in any conversation with the rest of the team until they’d reached the closest village from the gate. During their hike, Colonel O’Neill had given Sam the clipped order to watch his six and, naturally, being the good second-in-command that she is, followed his instructions, only to find her gaze every-so-often drifting lower. It was only when she tripped on an exposed tree root and ended up in the arms of her commanding officer, did she force herself to pay more attention.

It’s been harder to focus lately, however. Ever since Edora, if she’s honest with herself.

A particularly loud cheer erupts and pulls her from her thoughts. She sees Skaara celebrating with one of the younger boys and her heart fills with a warmth and desire that reminds her of when she spends time with her niece and nephew. Her smile widens, but it’s only when she hears a low chuckle coming from her right, does she realize the colonel is standing right behind her.

She jumps in surprise and turns, lifting a hand to shield her eyes from the sunlight and inhales sharply. He has long since shed his BDU jacket and she isn’t sure what it is, but there’s something about the sight of his tanned skin and the way the muscles in his arms bulge and flex underneath the material of his black t-shirt and how his dog tags have been uncovered and are now hanging loose against his tee, that makes her feel a little tug at the bottom of her stomach. When she averts her gaze, she notices that he's also discarded his ever-present ball cap and shades and even though there’s a bit of distance between them, she catches the way his hair sticks out in all directions, while his eyes, brown and bright, are shining. He looks genuinely happy and the feeling in her stomach suddenly erupts into something much larger. Clearing her throat, she looks away, only to notice that his skin is glistening under a layer of sweat and she’s suddenly hit with the desire to know what he tastes like and it takes all of her strength not to close the distance and press her lips against the skin of his neck.

“Nerves bad, Carter?”

“I didn’t know you were there, sir,” she admits quietly, looking back towards the Abydonians and resolutely ignoring the fact that she hasn’t quite answered his question. It doesn’t really matter though because she knows he knows that too when he gives her a long look sideways before he turns his attention back to the game. There’s a smirk playing around his lips when he speaks.

“You’ve been doing that a lot lately it seems.”

“Sir?” She frowns, confused as to what he’s referring to.

“Getting distracted on our missions.”

“I – oh.” She straightens as she prepares to defend herself. “Colonel –”

“Relax, Sam,” he interrupts gently as he turns to look at her. “I’m not going to dress you down.”

His voice is a low rumble and it draws her attention. She glances up to see he has moved closer, his shoulder almost brushing hers. It makes her think that if she turns just slightly more to the right and pushes up on her toes, her lips could make contact with his jawline and –

She abruptly looks away and derails that train of thought.

“Skaara seems to have settled in well.”

“Yeah,” he replies and she takes a shaky breath, relieved that she’s been able to steer herself onto much safer ground. “It’s… good,” Jack adds softly after a moment. “Really good.”

They fall silent as they watch the ball being kicked back and forth and it’s a couple of minutes later when he finally nudges her shoulder with his own.

“You wanna give it a go?”

“No, sir,” she smiles. “I’m good.”

“Really?” his question is casual, but she has a feeling he hasn’t finished yet.

She doesn’t have to wait long to be proven right. “It’s just you seemed to be watching intently as to how it unfolded. You know, from your hiding spot here behind the tents.”

“I just didn’t want to get in the way,” she answers feebly, thankful when his only response is to smirk.

_“O’Neill!”_

They both turn to see Skaara waving but Jack shakes his head. Moments later, the young man jogs over.

“You are not playing anymore?”

“This old man needs a break, kiddo,” he shrugs. “Carter and I are gonna take a walk instead.”

Sam tries not to let her surprise show so she smiles at Skaara before he turns and goes back to the game, while the colonel tilts his head in the opposite direction.

“After you,” he says.

They leave the settlement and the sounds of fun and laughter behind as they walk in silence. She isn’t sure where they are going but, despite everything that’s happened lately, she still fully trusts the man walking by her side so she follows him. When the colonel pauses and glances around, Sam copies his movements and finds they are alone. Seemingly happy with this particular spot, Jack promptly sits down and she follows at a more sedate pace.

Once she’s settled, she’s at a loss of what to say. She’s nervous because the two of them actually haven’t spent that much time alone since his return and she realizes that she isn’t sure where she stands with him. Or where he stands with her. So, instead, she lets her gaze roam their surroundings in the hope that he will break the mounting tension first.

“I never thought I’d see this place again,” he says, his attention focused on a point in the distance.

“You’re here now.”

“Yeah,” he quietly agrees, his gaze falling to his hands, “thanks to you.”

Sam doesn’t know how to respond. It’s the first time he’s even remotely addressed what she went through to bring him home.

“I haven’t thanked you – properly – yet,” he continues, and Sam instinctively pulls her knees up towards her chest and wraps her arms around her legs in a defensive stance. She rests her chin on her knees and stares intently at her feet as her toes dig into the sand. “I’m sorry, Sam.”

She’s surprised by the use of her first name, but she’s even more surprised by the apology.

“I didn’t – Daniel said you – you went above and beyond the call of duty to bring me home.”

She glances at him and catches the end of his wince, as if that isn’t quite what he wanted to say.

“Why did you do it?” he asks suddenly.

“You’re our team leader,” she shrugs, hoping her growing unease doesn’t show because she’s also wondered why she risked everything to bring him back to her and she’s starting to realize it’s easier to ignore the answer as opposed to answer the question. “We never leave our people behind, sir.”

“It wasn’t worth it,” he states then shifts slightly on the sand, his discomfort evident. “What I mean is, I’m not sure _I_ was worth it.”

Sam feels the bottom fall out of her stomach. It’s as if he’s confirmed that he wanted to stay with Laira on Edora and the discovery throws her more than she’s expecting.

“Were you – were you happy there?” she quietly asks.

He purses his lips as he chooses his words carefully. “I think I thought I was,” he finally admits and when Sam risks a glance in his direction he turns his head to look at her and shrugs. “It was a simpler life, Carter. No bad guys to chase after, no Goa’uld trying to kill me, no risk of breaking regulations…”

A lump gathers in Sam’s throat and she finds herself apologizing. “I’m sorry, sir.”

“Sorry?” he frowns. “What are you sorry for?”

“I didn’t –” She closes her eyes and tries again. “I guess if I’d known you were happy, I – I didn’t want to have to make you choose.”

“I’m not following.”

“I thought you would be happy to see us, sir.”

“You don’t know how happy I was to hear Teal’c –” He stops abruptly when Sam shakes her head.

“You’d moved on.”

_“What?”_

When he frowns at her, she pulls her knees tighter to her chest and offers a half-shrug. “You said you weren’t happy to be going home.”

“I never –”

“You asked Laira to come back with you, sir.”

Jack’s frown deepens and she forces herself to look away. She doesn’t trust herself to continue talking either, so she doesn’t until the colonel knocks his knee against hers. “Talk to me, Carter.”

With those four words, she feels the tears sting the edges of her eyes and it feels like the different emotions that are declaring war inside of her are vying to reach the surface and she’s scared that they’re all going to break free and he will see everything she’s tried so desperately to hide these past few months.

“Did you give up on us?”

_“No.”_

His answer is sharp and unwavering, but it’s also defensive and it takes a few seconds before he starts to retreat. “I wouldn’t say I gave up –”

“But you never expected to see us again?”

“No, I didn’t.”

She appreciates his raw honesty and finds herself turning her upper body towards him. “We would have tried everything to reach you, sir.”

“If Hammond followed protocol, you’d never had been given those resources.”

“If the General had followed protocol, we’d have been dead the second we stepped through the gate after our first mission to Chulak,” she fires back. "You should have trusted us enough to know we'd come."

Her words are deafening as they echo across the silence of the desert and she sighs heavily. “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t mean –”

“No,” he interrupts. “You’re right. Look, I may not be an expect in the Stargate or the distances between Earth and the planets we gate to every week, but I knew enough to know the odds. For three months I worked every day, Carter, trying to find the damn Stargate. Then – then I realized that it could be years before a rescue team would make it here – if ever.”

“So, it was easier for you to move on?”

Her question, she thinks, borderlines on insubordination and she can hear the incredulity in her voice but the colonel simply shrugs in response.

“I didn’t say it was easier.”

His confession shocks her and she suddenly feels guilty. “I’m sorry, sir. I should –”

“So help me, Sam, if you’re about to apologize for saying you should have reached me sooner.”

She presses her lips together, but when he just shakes his head in exasperation, she can’t help but smile softly. He turns to look at her, his eyes piercing hers.

“I never should have doubted you and that brain of yours, Carter.”

There’s so much she wants to say to him and ask him but she can’t find the words, but the blame she had thrown on him, about so easily giving up on them makes her feel guilty, when she takes a step back and remembers that he was cut off from everything. He had absolutely no idea how long it would take someone to reach him and, technically he was right, if it had been any other leader but Hammond, a search and rescue operation never would have been given the green light. She finds herself forgiving him for his behavior, even though his reaction to her still stings.

But then, he hadn’t known what she’d gone through for him and she’d had absolutely no idea what he’d had to face either.

“It’s OK, sir,” she finally says, her voice little more than a whisper. “I don’t think any of us were fully prepared for a reunion. I guess I wasn’t exactly acting like myself either.”

She hears the colonel’s sharp intake of breath but it takes her a few seconds to realize what she’s said – but also the last time she’d heard that same sentence thrown in her face.

“I, uh –”

The radio in Jack’s pocket suddenly crackles and startles them both.

_“Jack, Sam. You there?”_

He rolls his eyes at Daniel’s address.

“Yeah. Go ahead, Daniel.”

_“They’re starting preparations for the feast.”_

Sam holds her breath for a moment as Jack watches her then slowly the corner of his lips turns upwards in an apologetic smile.

“Yeah,” he replies. “We’re on our way.”

At his words, Sam goes to stand only for him to shake his head. He reaches across and places a hand on her arm as he listens to Daniel’s final message before the radio clicks off. They stare at each other for a few more seconds and Jack starts to say something, only to stop himself and gesture towards the settlement.

“C’mon,” he says. “If Daniel’s helping with dinner, it’s something you’ve got to see.”

“Why?”

“You ever seen him try to catch a chicken with his bare hands before?”

She can’t help it. A ripple of laughter escapes her and without thinking, she reaches out to take the colonel’s outstretched hand. He pulls her easily to her feet, bringing her within inches of him and her previous amusement quickly vanishes when he gives her hand a light squeeze.

“Thanks for not giving up on me, Carter.”

“Thank you for coming home, sir.”

He squeezes her hand once more before he lets go and they start walking but they only manage a few steps before Sam stops and replays the final segment of their conversation over in her head.

“Sir?”

He turns back to look at her and raises a brow in question. “Yeah?”

“About the – the other thing I said,” she says, then winces. “I –”

“How about we continue that conversation after dinner?”

She studies him for a moment but only sees sincerity and a glimmer of hope in his expression and she lets out a breath.

“Yes, sir.”

He nods at her, then grins. “OK.”

This time, as they make their way back towards the settlement, they follow the route they took earlier. Their tracks are still visible in the sand, only this time Jack is on the opposite side of her as they walk in each other’s footprints.

She watches mesmerized as his boots leave behind prints that completely cover her footprints, while her own smaller prints are snugly ensconced within the outline of his boots.

She thinks it could be reflective of something far, far deeper but for now she’s happy to walk alongside him as a friend and teammate, their footprints combining together in the sand and something altogether different melding in her heart.

_“You walked with me_  
_ Footprints in the sand_  
_ And helped me understand_  
_ Where I'm going…”_  
_ \- Footprints in the Sand, Leona Lewis_


End file.
